Growing As a Leader

There are many reasons to become a better version of oneself. Many of them valid. Take the goal of being physically fit and healthy. That’s a common goal in the human-sphere.

Some reasons why people want that includes wanting to feel good, run marathons, and others.

For me, I can recall various reasons why I wanted to be in shape. Things like wanted to prove my ex girlfriends wrong, or wanting the praise of others.

And now, as I am on the precipice of growing towards health and fitness, the reason that motivates me is to grow as a leader. To grow strong as a leader.

Leadership is interesting. As is following.

One thing is for sure, there is nothing like leading by example. The strength of leading through example is high. It’s one thing to talk the talk. It’s one thing to be great at saying the right stuff. It’s another thing to back it with action. To walk the talk.

And in terms of increasing the equity of my leadership, creating integrity around my health and fitness is one of the most powerful, wise, and intelligent things I can do.

Health is one area that I feel most people want to be on top of, but never fully are. And to be someone that IS on top of health is to be in the top 1% of human beings.

That in itself is a massive jump in leadership equity.

What a fuckin opportunity. And it’s limited by nothing. All it takes is my own conscious effort. That’s it. The price of admission is fuckin low. The barriers to entry and virtually zero. It’s a matter of choice.

Bring it on.

Everyone's Judging You And It Doesn't Matter

If you’re like me, you want to be liked. The idea of not being liked, or worse being hated, just doesn’t resonate. After all, what’s not to like about you!? That feeling of rejection and judgment is like hell. It’s the worst. Even the THOUGHT of being rejected and judged is like…UGH - please no.

And so, the common thing is to develop a persona that increases the chances of being liked by everyone. However, what we end up doing is sacrificing who we are in favor of being who we think others want us to be.

What we’re looking for is acceptance of some kind. Love of some kind. We’re looking for approval, or some type of positive feedback that we are accepted.

It’s bad.

And if you do this long enough, the idea of being vulnerable is way too much. And worse, you’re no longer in tune with yourself. You’re effectively a shell of yourself. And you can feel it.

You can’t speak your mind. You can’t share who you are. Any sense of true self-expression is locked away, replaced by a long list of rules and guidelines to avoid rejection and seek approval from the entire world.

It’s the ultimate carrot on a stick. There is no such thing as being accepted by everyone. It doesn’t exist.

There will always be at least 1 person that disagrees with your existence. The closer this person is to you, the worse it will feel of course. Irregardless, it’s futile to base our sense of self on the approval of others.

My point is that it’s literally impossible to avoid judgment. Well, I take that back. You can completely abandon your sense of self, and become a yes-man (or woman). You can seek to change yourself moment to moment, in hopes of being likeable by whoever happens to be in front of you. You can try and keep this act up. But, you will get tired. And you can suppress the depression that comes with having to put on an act everyday for as long as you like. But, you can really only do it for so long.

Everyone’s judging you and it doesn’t matter. Let them! You can’t fuckin control them anyways. They’re going to judge you ANYWAYS. It’s happening.

You can be depressed and they’ll still judge you.

You can be absolutely blissed out, and they’ll STILL judge you.

WHAT GIVES?!

Just be you. By effect, those that resonate with your true self will find their way to you. And those that judge you will continue doing so.

Stick close to those that love you for who you really are. They’ll support you. They’ll give you words of encouragement. They’ll understand you at your core.

As for the rest? Let em judge you. You don’t have a say anyways. That’s just what they do.

If You Only Knew (What I Want You To Know)

As much as I love talking about myself, I try not to be too self-righteous or make it seem like I have a hard life (cause I don’t).

But, just like any human being, I go through my own battles and hardships.

This is something I don’t share a lot, but it’s something I want people to know.

Why? I guess to feel understood. And also to get some fucking credit.

I don’t show up the way I show up because “that’s just how I am.”

The happiness. The listening ear. The nonjudgment (85% of the time). The joy. The openness. The energy. It’s not by accident.

I work at it, hard, every fucking day, every fucking second.

I’m constantly checking-in on my emotions, my thoughts, my spirit. All the time. All day long.

Granted, nobody asks me to do this. I take it on myself. Why? Because I care how I show up for other people. I care what kind of energy I’m producing in the environment. I give a damn.

And I don’t want people to feel judged, ever, as much as I can help it. I don’t want them to feel like they’re not enough.

And do you know what that takes? Do you really know?

Because people, without even fucking knowing it, don’t generate space for other people to be. It’s just NOT what people do by default. It’s not what I do by default. I was trained to be that way. I train myself to be that way. It’s my fucking career choice to be that way.

And so, sometimes, I fuckin snap like every other fucking person I know does. But because that only happens literally 10% of the time, it fuckin SUCKS. Why? Cause 90% of the fuckin time when I’m super fuckin clear, there’s no fuckin acknowledgement.

(well, that’s actually not true)

But, my point is that it fuckin SUCKS. It sucks when my humanity shows, and it’s ME that has to clean it up.

I feel like I’m CONSTANTLY creating space for other people’s humanity. But mine? Nah. My humanity is only met with the humanity in others. And…fair enough.

But fucking STILL. It’s a rarity when what I do for others, and how I show up for others, is how another shows up for me without me asking.

And so, what I want you to know, is that it’s hard as fuck being me. Not in comparison to how fucking hard it is for you, or for others (cause I fully acknowledge we all have it hard). But, just like you, I have it fucking hard too. So give me a god damn break, please.

You know how hard it is to not let your fucking soppy ass energy effect my mood?

You know how hard it is to keep my fucking composure when everyone’s fucking ego is going fucking ballistic?

You know how much fucking shit I had to go through in order to create boundaries for myself?

A lot. It took a lot. It TAKES a lot.

I guess what I’m saying is it is sometimes super fucking difficult living the lifestyle I chose, and still being surrounded by people who did not choose that.

I fucking get it.

I’m the one that did all the fucking training. Not everyone else.

I’m the one that cares about all this shit. Not everyone else.

It’s me. I get it.

STILL.

FUCKING, still.

Give me a fucking break, please. One time. ONE fucking time.

I don’t show up this way.

I do it on purpose.

It takes IMMENSE fucking effort.

It really does.

Granted, I love it, and I do it without trying. But fucking STILL.

And that’s a lie, I have to fucking try. I have to apply myself to be this way.

I could EASILY just be a fucking dick wad, self-righteous asshole. I really could.

And at times I am. Facts.

BUT FUCKING STILL.

I CHOOSE TO SHOW UP THIS WAY.

AND 10% OF THE TIME I DON’T.

AND COMPARED TO YOUR FUCKING VICE VERSA SPLIT, 10% ON YOUR GAME AND 90% OFF IT, IT’S YOU THAT GETS THE COMPASSION, AND ME THAT GETS THE FUCKING LECTURE.

So please. PLEASE. Give me some fucking credit.

I earned it. I give everyone compassion and nonjudgment when they don’t even deserve it. If you’re not gonna give me credit when I’m off my game…at least give me credit when I’m on.

And…if you could…understand me when I’m off.

And…as I typically do…I’m pretty sure what I’m asking of others is exactly what I need to do for others.

Sigh.

Oh…to be me.